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Kolya and his good friend Adi Manus were sitting in a session of Financially Yours, the finance interest group at our college. Various kinds of bonds were explained - corporate, treasury, and what not. The Adi Manus being very interested in Finance, mugged them up immediately. Then our superhero Adi Manus, while on the trail of a villain, met another superhero from IIM-K, James Bond.
Adi Manus: Who are you??
James Bond: The name is Bond...
Adi Manus (without letting him finish): That is fine, but which sort of a bond are you - corporate or treasury??
James Bond faints...
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In IIMK, two exams are held on the same day. Our Adi Manus, being already made weak by the rigorous study routine of IIMK, got confused between Managerial Accounting and Social Transformation in India, two subjects which were held on the same day.
He was found mumbling in sleep: "Hilton Hotels has great assets. Their socially transformed granddaughter is always eager to show them."
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Once Kolya and Adi Manus were sitting in the CC of IIM-K (ala the Computer Center). One of his female interests called him up to come to the NC (Night Canteen)... (Yeah, he is a superhero... Fights for any and every molecule of any female species present in Chettaland)... Now, one of the norms of the CC is that you do not generally shut down a computer but log it off...
Adi: Kolya, I am very confused...
Kolya: Why?
Adi: Shouldn't we always log off before shutting down the computer?? What if I do not get logged off despite shutting it down??
Kolya realized how to see stars during daytime...
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Adi Manus went to one of our C-gulls in IIM-K and proposed to her... (Whoaaaaaaaaa)
Girl: Apni shakal dekhi hai, isse achcha main suicide kar lu...
Adi Manus: Kamini marr jayegi, par ek gareeb ke kaam nahin ayegi...
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Adi Manus, in a drunk state, phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car.
Adi: They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator... (Sob)
Before the police investigation started, the police received another call.
Adi: Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake!
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Kolya Manus was aghast when he saw Adi Manus (when they were on a trip to Kappad beach) trying to drown a fish in water...
In fact, he has to explain to him everyday that every person is required to put in his signature in the attendance sheet... Adi Manus never gets convinced and enters his sign "Saggitarius"..
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Once Kolya asked Adi Manus: "Have you read Shakespeare??"
Adi: "No... Who wrote it??"
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Adi Manus, in the middle of a class on a Monday, started laughing... He had finally understood the joke Kolya had told him on Wednesday...
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Adi Manus was trying to throw off a bird from the academic hill at IIMK.
Kolya: What are you doing mate??
Adi: I am trying to kill this bird!!!
Kolya: @#$#$@
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Kolya once said to Adi Manus: Oh.. Shit!! Look at that dead bird!
Adi (seeing skyward): Where?? Where??
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Once Kolya saw that Adi Manus has a specific type of shoes with 'TGIF' written on it...
Kolya: Adi, why is this thing written on your shoes?
Adi: So that I remember while wearing them in the morning that "Toes Go In First"..
Kolya collapses...
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Once, before joining IIM-K, Adi Manus proposed to a girl... The girl said,"Yes, but only after you bring me a pair of alligator boots."
Adi Manus set out in search of alligator boots... Searched all alligators in India but could not find their boots...
Kolya suggested to him that he should go to Africa where the probability of finding a booted alligator might be more considering the variety of animals living there...
Adi Manus set out for Africa... And did not return for 2 years...
Eventually Kolya set out to find him... He was found hunting an alligator... He walked over it, checked its legs and angrily blurted out, "953rd alligator and still no boots!!!"
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Seeing that too much academic pressure has caused mental pressure for students at IIM-K, some professors once invited an eminent psychiatrist here. Our Adi Manus refused to being checked by the doctor, saying he never studies, so he is perfectly alright :) ...
However, at the dinner, he happened to sit near the doctor in the mess.. Now, can Adi Manus sit quietly?? Never.
Adi: Can you tell me, Doc, how would you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears absolutely normal? (Adi had got so much frustrated with Kolya, who made fun of him, that he was making plans to show that Kolya is mentally deficient)
Doctor: Oh, that's pretty easy.. You ask him a simple question which no one should have any trouble answering.. If he hesitates, it puts you on the right track.
(Adi begins to think of examples but could find none.)
Adi: Doc, can you give me an example?
Doc: Well you might ask him, "Columbus the navigator made 3 trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one of them did he die?"
Adi thinks for a moment, becomes nervous, then says with a laugh, "Oh give me some other example Doc. I must confess I don't know much about history.
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Adi Manus was a software engineer before coming to IIM-K.. Once he met a construction labourer.. The labourer was making fun of Adi Manus' appearance, so Adi got furious and approached him...
Adi: How dare you insult me like that?
(Waits for reaction... But there is none...)
Adi: Aaj mere paas bangla hai, gadi hai, stock options hai... Aur tumhare paas kya hai??
(English transliteration: Today I have a big bungalow, car, stock options.. What do you have??)
Worker: (Softly) Mere paas... Mere paas kaam hai...
(Eng: I have work...)
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Once Adi Manus was going to the airport.. On the way, he saw a sign, "Airport left"...
Disappointed, he turned around and headed back home :)
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Once Kolya Manus and Adi Manus landed up in Mumbai... There they got into a double-decker bus.. Kolya got a bottom seat, while Adi was pushed to the top by the unruly Mumbai crowd.. After sometime, when most people got off, Kolya went upstairs to see his friend Adi Manus. Adi Manus was in an extremely bad state, clutching the seats in front with both his hands, and was scared to death...
Kolya: Ohh man... WTF... Why are you so scared? I was so enjoying my ride down there...
Adi: But you've got a 'driver'.
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Once Adi Manus asks Kolya: "Who are the group of people jo logon ko maar ke unki dead body pe ghanti bajate the?" (People who killed people and then ringed bells on their dead body)
Kolya thinks and thinks....
Finally he gives up..
Adi Manus: "Oh.. You can't be from IIM-K... The people are called 'mar-ke-ting' people."
Kolya faints...
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Adi Manus: Yaar Kolya, my girlfriend left me...
Kolya: Tu uska khayal nahi rakhta hoga... (You mustn't have cared for her)
Adi Manus: Kya baat kar raha hai yaar!! Sagi behen ki tarah rakhta tha... (What are you saying?? I kept her like my real sister..)
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Once Adi Manus got caught on a copied assignment...
Professor: Adi Manus, your managerial communication assignment on 'My Dog' is the same as that of Kolya Manus..
Adi: Sir, it's not my fault, it's the same dog..
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Once Adi Manus said to Kolya Manus that he wants to lose weight; his tummy having blossomed since coming to IIM-K.
Kolya: Run everyday 5 kms for 60 days... You'd lose your weight...
The next 60 days, Adi Manus was nowhere to be seen... Exams went by, but still he didn't return... Kolya almost forgot him, but then one day Adi called him up.
Kolya: Dude, where the hell have you been? You didn't turn up for exams too..
Adi: You said I should run 5 km everyday...
Kolya: So?
Adi: So I am 300 kms away from IIM-K now... And still running...
Kolya: WT*%$*%$*#@#$
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Managerial communication presentation...
The professor could not understand anything that Adi Manus was presenting...
Prof: I don't understand anything that you say...
Adi: That is because what I am saying is a much more advanced research than you could ever imagine.
The prof got bewildered.
Prof: Ok, I am going to ask you two simple questions, if you answer those, you pass, else I will fail you.
1. Name two days of the week beginning with 'T'.
2. How many seconds are there in an year?
Adi Manus thought long and hard. The professor was still smirking when Adi Manus suddenly started speaking.
Adi: 1. The two days of the week that begin with 'T' are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in an year.
The prof got even more bewildered. Finally, having composed himself, he begins speaking.
Prof: Ok, I will still buy Today and Tomorrow, but for heaven's sake did you get 12 seconds in an year.
Adi Manus (smiling): Well, it's simple... January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd....
The Professor resigned from IIM-K with a recommendation to make Adi Manus the managerial communications professor.
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Adi Manus was going through the streets of his hometown after the end-terms got over.. He saw a man eating grass by the roadside.. Adi Manus got out of his car and went to speak to the man..
Adi: Why are you eating grass?
Poor Man: I don't have money for food.
Adi: Oh.. Please come to my home..
Poor Man: Sir, I have 2 wives and 5 kids...
Adi (getting jealous): Ok, bring them all along..
Poor Man (in the car): Sir, you are too kind.. Thanks for taking us all in..
Adi: I think you are not getting it.. The grass at my house has grown 4 feet long...
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Once Adi Manus got married.. Still, his habit of chasing skirts didn't go away...
So once his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan..
Adi (getting crazy): What was that for?
Wife: That was for a piece of paper with the name Lola written on it that I found in your pant's pocket..
Adi: But that was the horse that I bet on at the race last week..
The wife apologized and went back to work..
One hour later, she hit him again on the head with a bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious..
When he got up, he asked,"Now what was that for??"
Wife: Your horse called...
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Adi Manus (to one of the few girls at IIMK): Oye soniyo, juti to badi soni pehni hai.. (Hey beautiful, that is a beautiful shoe you're wearing)
Girl (angry): Utaru kya?? (Should I take it off)
Adi Manus: Oye main kya sonio, "pajama" to aur bhi sona hai.. (Beautiful, I am saying that your pyjama is even more beautiful)
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Adi Manus in a Biology practical exam prior to joining IIMK...
Examiner: Tell me the name of the bird by seeing its legs only..
Adi Manus: I don't know.
Examiner: You are failed. What's your name?
Adi Manus: See my legs and tell...
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There is a lot of rain in IIMK... Once Adi Manus was carrying an umbrella with a hole in it.. Kolya Manus greets him...
Kolya: Why is there a hole in your umbrella?
Adi: How will I come to know if the rain stops??
Yet again, Kolya faints...
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In the hot February of IIMK, Kolya Manus confronts Adi Manus.
Kolya: What do you do when you feel hot?
Adi: I go near the A/C and sit.
Kolya: What do you do if you still feel hot?
Adi: I switch on the A/C
Need I say what happened to Kolya?
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Once Adi Manus got caught in a murder case and gets a death sentence.
Police: Kal subah 5 baje tumhe phansi de di jayegi..
Adi Manus started laughing..
Police: Why are you laughing?
Adi: Main to uthta hi 9 baje hu...
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More to come soon.... :)
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